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October 06, 2008

COUGAR DEFINED

Kitty                   YAR!

As an East Coast Coug in good stead, I'm taking exception to AOL's mischaracterizations of the sisterhood of cougars. In a story posted on line over the weekend, AOL said that cougar-style is tacky. Who wrote it? No byline. Let's just call him/her 'uptight bitch'. While you can no longer find the story on line (I requested that AOL remove the offending piece from their site as it promotes false and misleading information), I will address a few of their more offensive points. Let's start with their image of what a cougar looks like:

Cougar_cleavage
1. You Could Be Guilty of Dressing Like One
The term "cougar" is relatively new but has sparked a lot of debate recently. It is generally applied to an older woman who dresses seductively in hopes of attracting the attention of a younger man. Regardless of if you are in your 20s, 30s, 40s or 50+ make sure to avoid these tacky trends which scream cougar.
Are you kidding me?! The cougar is a freak! Anyone that looks like her can thank her lucky stars. And her Elly May top is purrfect.

Big_hair_3    
2. Goodbye Big Hair
Big hair is not flattering on anyone. The best approach to your hair style is to take inventory each season to see if it is still working for you. Take into account your age, facial features, and skin tone. Make sure that your hair does not overpower you.
I strenuously object! Big hair flatters everyone. But that's not 'big hair'..that's a holy train wreck. No one is suggesting anyone leaves the house looking like Marie Antoinette. The hair that launched a thousand cougs? Big Hair Hall of Famer, BRIGITTE BARDOT. None higher.

Brigitte_bardot_6

Brigitte_bardot_2_2


Brigitte_bardot_4

Jewelry
3. Say No To Excessive Jewelry
Wearing a ring on every finger is tacky. No it isn't. Having your ankles and wrists dripping in jewelry just screams excess. So? Excessive jewelry says that you need to be noticed I'm here to party! and don't know how to do it in a classy way. "Classy?" Yawn. Instead of too much bling, opt for understated elegance with statement jewelry. I'd like to make a statement:

Giving_the_bird




Older_woman
4. Leave Something To The Imagination
God bless you please Mrs. Robinson but it's time to hang up the sheer illusion.



Pencil_skirt
5. Leave Something To The Imagination Part 2
Another fashion no no is to wear skirts that are too short. Shorter! Tighter! If you get nervous every time the wind blows, your skirt is too short Says who? and putting leggings or tights underneath does not fix the problem. Does so. Instead of a mini skirt Does that come in leather? try wearing a sexy pencil skirt to the office or a funeral that hugs your silhouette but does not give all of your goodies away. "Goodies"?



Bad_shoe

6. Tread Carefully 
Teetering on 6 inch heels not only looks foolish but it is dangerous! Spare me. We are not saying that you have to wear flat shoes yes you are and we are certainly not suggesting you replace your pumps with Pumas but wearing a moderate heel is not only better for your feet and your back but it allows you to be comfortably sexy. Thank you Dr. Scholl. Now dump the pumps and rock me like my back aint got no bone!

Christianlouboutinzipettesuedesanda              YOU'RE MY SITUATION

You keep me all together
You take me out whenever I'm lettin down
You got the motions baby
I got a notion maybe Ill stick around
And oh, I can never doubt you for too long...i cant see no reason
You're my kinda luva!


Tight_jeans

7. TOO TIGHT?
Make sure that your pants are not too tight and that there are no visible pantie lines.
I agree with this assertion. VPL is easily remedied with a pair of Hanky Pankies, but the muffin top is another story. Now, don't misunderstand me. I don't believe that the whole world needs to be skinny. My grrls know that beauty begins on the inside and everything else is just icing on the coug. That said, everyone should wear pants that fit. Get in a fitting room with a dozen pair of jeans and look at your bad self from every angle. Are you knockin' me out with your American thighs? Am I front row at the toe-show? FYI, cougars aren't the only ones guilty of camel toe. I know of one dude who thinks his hoof looks hot but sisters of mercy, it does not! That's his bad business and we'll just try to avert our eyes. If your pants are too tight, don't get hung up on the size. It means nothing. By all means, size up and breathe easy.

Male_toe_2 TOE SIX PACK

































       
      

Comments

AOL's shit couldn't get any more ridiculous than that.Cougs are great.A coug will do just as it pleases and live up to it's rep as COUG.Go Coug Go!!!

I love cougers ! ! ! ! !
Where would the world be without them ?
My first girlfriend was a Couger and I still think about her to this day

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